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  • Writer's pictureCatherine Irvin

Bad Betch Brownies

Updated: Dec 15, 2019

Middle school was a terrifying time for fellow classmates of mine on the

much anticipated sugary day: bake sale day. I had a bit of a reputation for being a bake sale "snob" during this period of my life. Mind you, I was really just learning how to perfect a batch of Betty Crocker brownies or Pillsbury funfetti cake. My secret: never ever use the instructed amount of oil and substitute half for unsweetened applesauce! The taste is substantially better and not to mention, much healthier.

Why was I a snob? Glad you asked... when Judy (fictional name to save myself from future confrontation) would bring in brownies for the bake sale, I’d always try them. And the thing is, people wanted me to try their brownies like I was some know-it-all baker at the time. So, I did. And as you might’ve guessed, I had no mercy in my critique, when I was just 12 years old.

Telling Judy that she used too much vegetable oil in her brownies was a difficult thing to do, but SOMEBODY had to stand up and let her know they were trash! Sometimes you just have to be that Betch. Ya feel me? That’s what good friends do after all.

Anyway, I'd probably revert back to boxed brownie mix here and there, but you mustn’t discount the decadence of a homemade, gooey, fudge brownie fresh out the oven, folks!

Take your love for chocolate to the next level and be that girl to show up Judy — at school, in the workplace, or even in the comfort of your own home. Let her know butter is the name of the brownie game and she should’ve balanced her oil out with some unsweetened applesauce.

Cheers to these brownies finding a scoop of vanilla ice cream. And as always, may the inspiration found here, find light in your kitchen.




1 cup flour, sifted

1/2 cup Dutch processed cocoa, sifted

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 stick butter, melted

2 eggs

2 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 tsp espresso powder

8 oz. Baker’s semi-sweet chocolate (half melted, half chopped)

1 tsp salt

Splash of water

Melt the butter in a mixing bowl and add both sugars. Whisk together until sugar has evenly combined with the butter. Melt 4 oz. of the chocolate in a separate bowl and pour into the mixture while whisking. Set the other 4 oz. of chocolate aside. Let cool for about 5 minutes. Add eggs and vanilla extract. Put your whisk down and pick up a rubber spatula.

Place the remaining 4 oz. of chocolate onto a cutting board and roughly chop into desired pieces.

Sift flour and cocoa together into the wet ingredients by folding it with the spatula. Once folded, add all other dry ingredients and combine evenly. Pour the chocolate chunks in the mixture and keep folding until flour is no longer visible (powdery white). Add the splash of water, if needed, while folding to loosen up the batter. Do not overmix the batter.

Line a 9x9 pan with parchment paper and grease the bottom and edges of parchment paper. Pour the brownie batter in the baking dish and spread evenly — it'll be thick. Bake at 350ºF for 20-25 mins. Enjoy!

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